Friday, October 10, 2008

How strong is your opening sentence?

Unless your first sentence is bullet-proof, you're dead.

If it's wrong, people will moan. And if it's boring, they won't read any further.

I could go on about the only point of any sentence being to get people to read the next one.

There was no chance of me 'changing channels' when I read this line in an e-newsletter from White Lines. You can't really argue with the sentiment - as well as being funny, it's undeniable.

Sadly, you'd never get away with it writing commercial copy - more's the pity - brands just would never stand for it. It's journalism, really, but because it drives you to buy a product, it's a bit like advertising.

Here it is:

You wouldn't go bare-back riding in a crack house would you? No! So, equally, you'd be pretty crazy to go into the snowy wilderness without adequate protection. As a minimum, you'd be wise to tool-up with a transceiver, probe and shovel. They tend to be a hefty investment but the value FAR outweighs the cost. We've just discovered a pretty good deal on, where you can get 10% discount on backcountry safety gear, plus get an extra 10% in store credit. Not bad considering that kind of kit is hardly ever reduced.

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