1. Must be heavyweight
2. Must be able to draw
3. Ideally, will be self-aware
4. Must be lovable
Stop the search, I've found one:
Formerly 'The Naked Copywriter'. Copy [kop-ee] Noun. The text of a news story, advertisement, television commercial, etc., as distinguished from related visual material. Daddy [dad-ee] Noun. An informal word for father.